Some days I go blurry eyed thinking about life. and life feels so eccentric. I wonder if anyone remembers anybody after they’re gone to the afterlife. My father lost his papa at the age of four, and stood bravely in front of the funeral pyre. I wish I could be like him. I can’t. There are days where I write a thousand poems all wrapped up in one and all of it falls into irrelevance when compared to him. My father is so great! I miss the days where I would ask him giggling in the living room which nail paint should I put blue or white? and he’d smile and say, everything looks good on you. Some days I think if all bad men were like him – this world then wouldn’t be such an ugly place. Some days I go blurry eyed thinking about death. and death feels like an old friend or a stranger at the traffic signal smoking a cigarette. I don’t know when will it come to greet me or you or anyone. I don’t know if when it comes will light pierce through us? or what song will the sky sing? when we’re gone. Some days I go blurry eyed thinking about these breathless moments because I am not strong. I don’t know how to prepare myself when death arrives or how does one prepare themselves for its arrival? These are the voices ricocheting in my head making me alive. These are the moments playing, in front of my eyes, whispering in my ears-- ‘no one is ever prepared when death arrives’ and then suddenly I set myself on fire. Author: Aditya Tiwari is an Indian poet and LGBT rights activist. His first collection of poems, April is Lush, (New Delhi: Blue Rose Publishers) was published in 2019. Through his writing, he explores a variety of themes ranging from politics, colour, intersectionality, age, queerness, gender, and revolution. His work has appeared in The Times of India, LiveWire, BuzzFeed, Gaylaxy Magazine, Youth Ki Awaaz, and Gaysi, among others. Learn more about Aditya on Instagram and Twitter at @aprilislush.
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